Dateline North Pole. Santa Village’s most eligible bachelor, Cupid, shocked the North Pole community by winning the Deercathalon in the 2018 Reindeer Games. The handsome lothario has always been noted more for his slick moves with the lady reindeer than his athletic prowess, but this year he came through with a consistent performance that paid off by winning his first ever Golden Antler Trophy. He only won a single event, the Snowball Toss for Distance, but he scored podium finishes in all the other nine events which gave him a point total of 9,433. That was 267 more points than runner up Donner. Donner, of course, set the record of 10,622 total points way back in the 1966 games.
Last year’s winner, Vixen, was a disappointing fifth overall. He blamed a pulled muscle in his left hind hoof for his poor showing, but Mrs. Vixen claimed her husband was just out of shape and overweight due to eating way too much of Mrs. Claus’s legendary corn pudding. She also said that this was a wake-up call, and she promised that she would have Vixen back in fighting trim and ready for Christmas Eve.
Rudolph blamed problems with his nose for his third place finish. “I have a slight, cold,” claimed Santa’s leadman. “It affected the electrical circuitry of my proboscis. It would go totally dark and then would light up and blind me.”
Rudolph is taking lots of lemon and honey and will be recovered in time for the big night.
Blitzen won the 1000 Meter Dash event for the umpteenth time, but his 11.667 seconds was nowhere near his record time of 9.5433 seconds set way back in 1929.
Elf Chunky won the special miniature golf event for non-reindeer participants, with a 3 under par 114 for the now 16 hole course. Global warming has seriously shrunk the size of the St. Nicholas Memorial Course and is causing great alarm in the whole village.
On a sad note, Frosty the Snowman was disqualified from the Snowball Rolling Contest when it was discovered that his surprising weight loss was due to his using a hair dryer on his fanny just prior to starting his roll. He consoled himself by eating a piece of carrot cake.
Well, that’s wraps it up for the 2018 Reindeer Games. I’m special correspondent Percy Penguin reporting from the Santa Village, North Pole International. See you Christmas Eve.