Robert Gates, the former director of the CIA, and secretary of defense, once described himself as “blunt and candid;” Chris Christie, the governor of New Jersey, and a possible contestant for the 2016 GOP presidential nomination, described himself in the same way. One long-ago boss of mine, while never describing his behavior in that way, had the same “blunt and candid” way of speaking and relating to subordinates. When I see people in positions of power demonstrating small-minded meanness, and hear them describe their often ruthless behavior as “blunt and candid,” I call it what it is: They’re just being nasty.
I had a friend who seemed to spare no comment on any subject, and when she set fire to another’s sensibilities, she avowed that she was “just being honest.” Though she wielded no power over me, she often dropped some “blunt and candid” on me while “just being honest.” Someone with whom I had a work reporting relationship commented to another person that, “You never have to guess about what CJ means.” I first took that as a compliment on my skill for communication, but I later wondered: Was he being ironic? Sarcastic? Did I communicate well, or was I being honestly blunt and candid?
Years ago, when I was an art director for a retail store, a photographer — whose studio I had contracted for a photo shoot — tried to explain why the head of my department was such a brutal dictator. He knew the man and had worked with him before. “His boss (at another store) treated him the same way,” he told me. I did not accept that, because I knew that bad experiences do not have to be duplicated; we can choose to behave differently. I have developed a profane vocabulary over the years, and tend to pepper my conversations with some of the more colorful. But not everyone gets the same offering. I am not contemptuous of my audience, and if I should blow the doors off my filters, I will make corrections: I apologize for my language (which I do not call “French”).
While many of the powerful avoid the blue language I have adopted, they seem to believe that their importance and position preclude any need to be sensitive to another’s feelings or position on an issue. They employ the instrument they call “blunt and candid,” with neither regret, nor apology. These are busy people, with little time to devote to anything that falls outside of their personal view. “Blunt and candid” people have always ruled and very seldom have truth spoken to their power. They truly believe that it would expose a flaw in their character were they to behave differently.
My friend who is “just being honest” when she looses a searing comment, cannot be convinced that the world will continue to rotate even should she withhold her version of that honesty. She characterizes her behavior as necessary to be faithful to herself. “I’m just being me,” she will say, as if anyone could mistake her behavior for another’s. But I contend that her version of “honesty” differs from others’ by the degree of restraint shown in the expression of opinion. When Robert Gates and Chris Christie stake out places on the communications landscape that they tell you are about being “blunt and candid,” I believe that they are making a point about how little concern they have for our opinions and sensitivities. “I am big and you are little,” they say, “and my view counts, while yours does not.”
Let me be honestly blunt and candid: I disagree.