You know that it’s spring in North America when the Snipe starts to appear. When the Pilgrims first arrived in the New World they noticed a strange looking creature roaming the woods and waving their hind ends at them. They asked the Indians what the animal was and if it was edible. The Indians did not hunt or eat the Snipe because they considered them really nasty creatures. They said “snipe” to the Pilgrims which meant disgusting in their language. The pilgrims thought the Indians were telling them that the name of the animal was “the snipe.” So the white people have been calling the creatures snipes ever since.
After the winter, the snipe cow arises from her burrow with her pups, usually two although three isn’t unusual. Snipes of course prefer to live in heavily wooded areas with water close by. In Indiana we used to have the American Blue Tinted Snipe, but by 1980 they were hunted very nearly to extinction by drunken hunters and their sons-in-law and by Boy and Girl Scout troops across the Midwest during summer camp. The Blue Tint Bull grew to be about two feet and half long and weighted about 45 pounds. The fur was black with curious blue tinted stripes. The tail was very long and full. The Blue Tint males started growing a very unusual set of horns at about age five. The cow would gnaw away these horns during mating and it took another five years to grow new ones, although sometimes they didn’t grow back at all. They had small but very sharp fangs. They had poor night vision because they did not eat carrots so that’s why Snipe hunts took place in the evening. Their principle diet was soybeans, strawberry flavored pop tarts, popcorn washed down by peach flavored ice tea, and moldy cheese but they would consume whatever was available in a pinch, except carrots. The Blue Tint used to roam all over the Atlantic states and Midwest but have pretty much disappeared although some naturalists have reported seeing them in remote parts of Northern Indiana and Southern Michigan, so they may be making a comeback. The Blue Tint was very easy to hunt and it was said that if you threw a popcorn kernel at it, it would jump right into your bag.
The Everglades Swamp Snipe tends to live among the cypress tress in the wetlands of the South and is a favorite food of the alligator. Hunters report that they seem to have disappeared from the Everglades, however. The Swamp Snipe has sort of a greyish to dark brown coat with a dark muzzle. The bull Swamp Snipe can get to be about a foot long and weigh as much as 15 pounds at full growth and can live up to 40 years. The Swamp Snipe really doesn’t hibernate as does it’s northern and western cousins, but the cow builds a reed and twig nest and then has her pups and nourishes them for a relatively short period of time. By the end of February the Swamp Snipe pups are out and about. The Everglades Swamp Snipe ranges from Florida to Louisiana and East Texas and as far north as Mississippi. The Swamp Snipes live on insects, small reptiles, and any unlucky rodent who crosses their path. They are difficult to catch and even more difficult to photograph.
The California Silver Tufted Snipe is the largest and rarest breed of snipe in North America although their range is really Northern California, Oregon, Washington State, and Idaho. The Silver Tufted is normally about five long and four feet high and can weigh in at up to 150 pounds. The bulls can grow a beautiful rack of antlers and have a long luxuriant tail. They inhabit the deep woods and mountain ranges of the Northwest. Little is known about their mating habits and less about how they tend to their young. They are the only animal besides humans who divorce their spouses. A group of Silver Tufted Snipes gather in a circle with the contesting mates in the middle. The female voices a series of whines and growls toward the male. The male turns his back to the female and drops some dung and kicks it towards her. The female spits on the dung and then urinates on the male. After that the snipes are no longer a couple. It is said that the Tufted Snipe is the favorite meat of the Bigfoot or Sasquatch. This may be true. Sightings of Silver Tufted Snipes are rare. Tufted Snipe fur is quite valuable. It is imported to North Korea where it is used for seat covers on toilet lids. You cannot hunt the California Tufted Snipe with just a burlap bag and flashlight. You need to take WD-40 and duck tape as well.
Why hunt the snipe? Their meat tastes pretty gamey and except for the Tufted Snipe their fur pelt does not have much value. The Blue Tint did eat soybean crops so farmers considered them a pest, but still, why bother? I asked Buford Oswald Thinkboner, the foremost authority on snipes in the whole world. He has hunted snipes all over the place and has written the books Snipe Hunting for Dummies and On the Trail of the Elusive California Silver Tufted Snipe. Mr. Thinkboner disdains the use of all the elaborate and expensive snipe hunting aids. “You don’t need the sonar, or night vision glasses or the suction tube or that electric crossbow,” claims Mr Thinkboner, “You just need a big burlap bag, a flashlight, and a bottle of Jack Daniels”.
Again I asked “Why hunt the snipe?”
“Why the hell not?” answered Mr Thinkboner.
Who among us can argue with that kind logic?
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