Ah yes, we’re approaching that happy, sappy day devoted to love, love, love! Surely the economy benefits from the purchases of heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, bouquets, gifts of sexy lingerie, dinners at fancy restaurants, and pretty cards inscribed in gold. And then the love-dust is washed away with the next morning’s shower.
Quoth Red Skelton, “The number one cause of divorce is marriage.” George Burns said, “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury!”
A cartoon about the old Jackie Gleason skit, “The Honeymooners,” shows two astronauts on the Moon. They find a woman’s body. “What in the world?” says one. The other replies, “Oh my goodness! It’s Alice Cramden.” Ralph and Alice were always fighting. Bug-eyed, Ralph would become enraged, wind up his arm, deliver a mock blow and bellow, “Pow! Right in the kisser! To the Moon, Alice!”
However, when the chips were down they stuck it out. That’s what previous generations did. They stuck it out regardless of circumstances, and I suspect that they were no unhappier than people are today.
The war between the sexes wasn’t funny. Granny so despised Grandpa that she refused to celebrate their fiftieth anniversary. The husband of one of grandpa’s relatives was habitually unfaithful, and she knew it. Regardless, she brought her children up to honor their father.
Laws, economics, social mores and biology made it very difficult for women of prior generations to leave a marriage. In some states it was necessary to prove infidelity to get a divorce. There was no such thing as sexual liberation. The pill hadn’t been invented, and abortion was dangerous, illegal and clandestine. There were fewer jobs for women. One of our friends was a teacher at Frankfort. She kept her marriage a secret for a year because they didn’t employ married women as teachers.
And now? And now women are ever so free, are they not? They can have sex as casually as males, prevent pregnancies and even get a divorce via the Internet. I’ve never forgotten a young woman who sought my counsel as a Realtor. She was the divorced mother of three little children and was living with her boyfriend who had two children of his own in his tiny house. What kind of liberation is that? Adults may be liberated, but their children are not. Her ex-husband was behind in support. Her income was as a waitress, and she didn’t report her tips. “I’m going crazy in that little house. Can you help me?” I replied, “I’m so sorry . . . ”
Sadly, this situation is not unusual. America has a high rate of teenage pregnancy and fatherless children. I suspect that too many do not know the difference between love and lust.
How in the world do two strong-willed people such as Bill and I survive for fifty l-o-o-o-ng years?
• We were equal in education and intellect.
• Never, never use the word “divorce” lightly or in the heat of an argument. The very use of this word sets you off on the slippery slope to failure. We agreed from our early days that whoever asked for a divorce had to take our big white elephant of a house.
• Don’t label your partner as stupid or lazy even if you think it.
• Many people feel that smutty language isn’t important. It is important in a relationship because it indicates a lack of respect and causes the combatants to stop listening.
• Do your share of child tending and household chores.
• Don’t be a selfish lump and refuse to do things that your partner enjoys.
• Work out agreements about money. Both being bad bookkeepers, Bill and I have always had separate checking accounts.
• Accept your partner’s family.
• It goes without saying that total fidelity is key.
• Love is the ultimate answer.
More to come. wclarke@comcast.net