People say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” Oh yes they will! We’re more than a conglomeration of bones and flesh; we are spiritual. Language is an inherent part of the very fabric of our being. In the eyes of others, we are the words we speak.
We humans have an infinite capacity to express ourselves. Our words can wound spirits, create anger, show disrespect, make their target feel unloved and kill relationships. I truly believe that many divorces would never happen if people would just shut up, or at least moderate their language. Sometimes silence is golden.
Here’s a sampling of dialogues that lead to disaster:
— “Your bleeping buddies are obnoxious, and that goes for your relatives, too.”
“Well! At least they’re smarter that your dumb girlfriends, and at least my relatives have jobs . . .”
— “This place is a bleeping pig sty.”
“Well, why don’t you start doing your share instead of coming in from work and watching TV?”
“I’m the one who makes most of the money.“
“Yeah, that’s right. All I do is babysit, buy the groceries, cook, pick up after you, clean, and do the laundry.”
“Speaking of which, I don’t have any more clean shirts, and the one I wore today was wrinkled.
“Iron your own damn shirts since you think I’m so lazy or take them to a laundry . . .”
— “How’d you pay for that new dress you wore to the Smiths’ party?”
“Credit card.”
“You needed a new dress like a hole in the head. I told you we’re maxed out on our credit cards, but you’re too bleeping stupid to pay attention . . . “
— “Who were you flirting with all evening at the party?”
“Well! How about you, cozied up in a corner with that jackass, Harry, all evening?
“At least he talks about more than sports.”
“Yeah, I didn’t go to college like the two of you did, but I make more than he does . . . “
— “Oh God. Here’s a notice from the bank. We’re overdrawn again and behind on the mortgage.”
“Don’t blame me. You’re the one who had to have a new car.”
“I told you from the start that we couldn’t afford this house . . . “
— “Who keeps texting you on your phone? Is it your girlfriends that you’re constantly spilling your guts to or that jerk Harry?”
“You’re always coming home late from work. Are you having an affair?”
— “So, we’re not speaking today?”
“I can’t go on like this.”
“Do you want a divorce . . . ?”
Once the “D” ford is spoken, it’s difficult to retreat.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud . . . It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
—The New Testament, “Corinthians”
People don’t recognize that it’s not the falling in love that’s important. It’s the day-to-day perseverance that counts — and that takes effort.
“A book of verses
beneath the bough,
A jug of wine,
a loaf of bread—
And thou beside me . . .”
— “The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam” as translated by Fitzgerald
My life’s journey with Bill has shown me how rich we are — not in the trappings of affluence such as expensive cars, a house that we can’t afford or designer clothing. Instead, we’ve been blessed with the intangible riches of companionship and shared moral values, mutual respect and fidelity. The trunks in my mental attic are full of both sophisticated and simple memories: a glass of wine, delectable food, beautiful nature, architecture, art, books, music, the delights of an open-air food market in Paris, watching our birds and critters, a crusty loaf . . . wclarke@comcast.net