This is a reprint of a four-part series first published in 2011.
Whether we come to the conclusion on our own, or our loved ones point it out to us, there will come a time when living independently is no longer a good idea. So how do you know when the time is right? Professionals tell us to watch for a decline in the handling of “ADL’s” — the “Activities of Daily Living.”
Looking back, I now realize there were many signs that my parents were approaching the need for assisted living. It was nothing obvious and viewed individually, none of the events even seemed noteworthy. But gradually, over a period of time, it all began to come together like the pieces of a puzzle.
As with most people, as they age, both of my parents took medications on a daily basis. During my childhood, all of the medications in our home were kept in childproof containers on the top shelf of the bathroom. After we kids grew up and moved away, the medications were in simple-to-open bottles and moved to a lower shelf. But I began to notice as I visited with Mom and Dad that there were often open pill bottles lined up on the kitchen counter. At first I thought they just hadn’t gotten around to putting them away, but over time I realized they were having difficulty opening the bottles. This was an easy fix with the purchase of one of those plastic pill organizers. But, as time went on, I began to notice that pills were skipped, taken on the wrong days, or in one frightening instance, although it was only Thursday, the pills for the remainder of the week were all missing.
Meal times and eating habits change through the years. When we all lived at home, Mom made three meals a day for the five of us. It was a great deal of work and I didn’t find it the least bit strange when Mom and Dad started going out for dinner each evening. When we would visit they would tell us about the “senior specials” at Burger King or Senior Citizens Night at the Waffle House, and how they would see all of their friends there. It seemed like a great idea and well-deserved break from years of cooking and baking. Over a period of time I began to notice that there were never any leftovers in their fridge. There was no bottled water, juice or even a carton of milk. The meat in the freezer was burnt with frost and most of the condiments had gone past their freshness date. I realized that in spite of the fact that several of their morning and noon medications needed to be taken with food, they were only eating an evening meal.
We all want our parents to live independently as long as possible. The ability to make good decisions and care properly for ourselves in many cases declines so slowly that it is barely noticeable. While helping my parents to find the assisted living facility that was best for them I was given a list of “check points” to help determine if assisted living was needed. The question included: 1. When visiting your parents do you ever notice that they repeatedly wear the same clothes? 2. Has the upkeep on the house and yard slipped? 3. Do they make rational decisions in an emergency? 4. Have you noticed them falling or having regular bruising? 5. Is the food in the refrigerator fresh? 6. Have they stopped attending church or social events that they have always enjoyed? If you answer yes to two of these questions, it may be time to consider a change in their living situation.
All of us have our good days and bad days, but a definite alteration in the personality should be reason for concern. The loss of interest in long time hobbies and daily activities is not a natural sign of aging. It is not uncommon, especially if one of your parents is living alone, for some depression to occur. A consultation with your family physician can help determine if what you are seeing is normal or if treatment is needed.
Forgetfulness! From the age of forty on most of us start to become forgetful, but there’s a big difference between normal absentmindedness and the type of memory loss associated with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia. Problems with numerical chores such as counting change or setting the thermostat, asking the same questions repeatedly or the inability to complete familiar tasks are warning signs to watch for.
Next week, we will take a look ways to extend the years of independent living. Until next time………….Linda
Irvington resident Linda Kennett is a professional liquidation consultant specializing in down-sizing for seniors and the liquidation of estates and may be reach at 317-429-7887 or lkennett@indy.rr.com