This column first appeared in December 2009.
I was born and raised in Indiana. Growing up in 1960s in Indiana could be a challenge if you ever had to explain where you came from to people unfamiliar with our great state. As Hoosiers, the same questions always seem to surface — What’s a Hoosier? What do you do with all that corn? Can you get me tickets to the Indy 500? Do you know Bob & Tom? Yes, we’ve heard them all. “Nap-town” and “India-no-place” has changed a lot over the years. Now we’re known as the home of the Super Bowl Champion Indianapolis Colts and as the amateur sports capitol of the world and the home of the Heartland Film Festival. Two new sports stadiums and a world-class airport should prove once and for all that we’ve shed that “Hicksville” reputation for good.
Well, you’d think so at least. Lately, I’ve been thinking about some of the relics from Indiana’s past that might still be hanging around as statutes and laws and how they’d translate into today’s society. I’ve discovered that not only have I been unknowingly breaking the law in some cases for years now, I’d suspect that you have been too. Here’s a partial list of the laws that we’ve all been openly flaunting for most of our lives. Repent before it’s too late ye lawbreakers!
• Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
• In South Bend, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
• A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code 15-2.1-21-13(b)
• All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.
• You can get out of paying for a dependent’s medical care by praying for him/her.
• Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
• Drinks on the house are illegal.
• Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
• In Beech Grove it is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.
• Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.
• Citizens are not allowed to attend a cinema or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
• In Indiana it is illegal to sell laughing gas with the intent to induce laughter.
• It is illegal in Elkhart, Indiana, for a barber to threaten to cut off a youngster’s ears.
• Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
• A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
• Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
• Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.
• It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
• No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
• Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.
• State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.
• If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.
• In Terre Haute, no one may spit on the sidewalk.
• Liquor stores may not sell milk.
• Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.
• “Spiteful Gossip” and “talking behind a person’s back” are illegal.
These kind of laws will make you think twice about saying that you have never done anything illegal. These examples of true laws (Believe me, they really do exist and are on the books somewhere in the Hoosier state) prove that not even the greatest justice system in the world is not exempt from examples of stupidity. Take heart, my fellow Hoosiers — we are not alone in the field of useless outdated laws. Heck, we not even in the top ten! Here’s the top ten dumbest laws from other states, listed in no particular order.
1. In Georgia, “No one may carry an ice cream cone in his back pocket if it is Sunday.”
2. In Louisiana, “It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.”
3. In Alabama, “It is illegal to drive while blindfolded.”
4. In California, “It is illegal to drive more than 2,000 sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.“
5. In San Francisco, “It is unlawful to use used underwear to wipe off cars in a carwash.”
6. In Brooklyn, New York, “It is illegal for a donkey to sleep in a bathtub.”
7. In Ohio, “It is illegal to get a fish drunk.”
8. In Vermont, “Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.”
9. In South Dakota, “It is illegal to fall asleep in a cheese factory.”
10. In Chicago, Illinois, “It is illegal to fish in your pajamas OR while riding a giraffe.”
Crazy laws are found far and wide across our country in each and every state. They usually aren’t acted upon but they are legal and binding and can be enforced if an officer of the law wished to do so. Apparently, it’s more time-consuming and costly to have them removed, so there they sit. How strange are Indiana’s weird laws? Evidently not as strange as some other states. These are listed for your information and entertainment purposes only. I hope that you would not use them to enact a citizen’s arrest!
Al Hunter is the author of the “Haunted Indianapolis” and co-author of the “Haunted Irvington” and “Indiana National Road” book series. His newest books are “Bumps in the Night. Stories from the Weekly View,” “Irvington Haunts. The Tour Guide,” and “The Mystery of the H.H. Holmes Collection.” Contact Al directly at Huntvault@aol.com or become a friend on Facebook.