In the U.S. today there are reportedly over 10,000,000 adults ages 35-50 who carry the dual responsibility of raising their children while assisting with the care of their aging parents. The heads of these multi-generation families are faced with many challenges, not the least of which is the best way to help their parents with down-sizing when the time comes for Mom and Dad to move to a smaller home. Tackling this job is exhausting both mentally and physically or as a client of mine once described it, “the experience was rather like a combination root canal and colonoscopy”!
As a professional liquidator, my advice is simple: The sooner you get started, the better. Here are three simple steps that you can work on with your parents now, to make the task of down-sizing easier when the time comes.
Step 1 — Sort all personal papers and photographs. Take this a room at a time and pitch as you go. If your parents kept everything neatly in a file cabinet, this task will be simple. Sadly, this is often not the case. In many of the homes where I have worked there were mementos, old check ledgers and appliance instruction booklets stuffed in boxes and drawers throughout the house. Tools you will need to assemble include a shredder, trash bags, a sharpie and several large plastic storage tubs with lids.
A good place to start is the least used bedroom. Check drawers, closets, desks, file cabinets, and under the bed. All photos go in one tub, all current medical records and insurance papers in a second tub, all bank statements and tax returns in another, etc. You will want to keep one tub for those miscellaneous items.
Essentially, this chore comes down to a balancing act between practicality and sentimentality.
Don’t be afraid to pitch the unnecessary, but don’t discard those things your parents deem of value. Obviously you don’t need to keep the instruction booklet from every appliance and gadget your parents ever purchased or an insurance policy that expired in 1963. The tricky part comes with those things that fall into a gray area, especially those of a sentimental nature. While the boxes full of Christmas cards from many years past may seem like they just take up space, they may be of great importance to your Mom. Make a separate container of these types of items and set them aside to go through later with you parents. As the days go by and the task before you seems overwhelming, it will be easy to become impatient. Try to keep in mind that as difficult as this is for you, it is also hard on Mom and Dad so include them in the process whenever possible.
Step 2 — Thin down the closet and the cabinets. Sort the clothing into three categories; things that can be worn, things to go to charity and those items that need to be discarded. Box the clothing to be donated and call a thrift store for pick up, bag up the things to be discarded and set them out for trash day and sort the remaining clothing by seasons. Use the same approach with the kitchen cabinets and the linen closets. Keep commonly used items toward the front of the shelves, seasonal items toward the back and discard things that are past the freshness date or no longer usable.
Step 3 — Decide who gets what now. Most of us have antiques and heirlooms that we want to keep in the family. In 2014, I worked with a lovely woman from Hancock County who had seven children, all of whom live out of state. At her request I did an inventory valuation of everything in her home that she thought her children might want. She sent the completed list and a video of the items to each child for their consideration. I particularly liked the video as she explained what each item was and how it was a part of their family history. Upon receipt of the the list and video she asked each child to mark six things that they would like to have, in order of preference. I have repeatedly performed this service through the years and I have seen it eliminate countless problems when the time came for division of property.
The mistake many people make is procrastination. Remember, when the time comes for you parents to relocate, having the menial tasks out of the way will allow everyone to focus on the emotional demands of down-sizing. Until next time…Linda
Irvington resident Linda Kennett is a professional estate liquidation consultant specializing in down-sizing for seniors and the valuation of antiques and household content and may be reached at 317-258-7835 or join her on FaceBook at Irvington Retro/Vintage/Antique