A social media neighborhood association that I belong to is a delightful source of amusement to me, though there are many other members who rely on it for suggestions and answers to serious inquiries. I’ll not characterize those questions and answers here, but just as the Indiana Department of Transportation is working on the North/South split of a freeway into and out of the downtown area of the city, some members of the neighborhood association have noted that there is a North versus South split in the Eastside neighborhood. And a recent poster kicked off a humorous debate by inquiring if “the North versus South (neighborhood) war is back on?”
The post was meant to be funny and was precipitated by some booming fireworks on the previous night. Fireworks are a neighborhood favorite and generate lots of commentary, mostly along the lines of a game: “Gunshots or fireworks?” Most of those who responded to the post did so in the vein for which it was intended. One post was perhaps a parody of Ken Burns’ series, “Civil War.” Written as if by a soldier in that conflict, the poster’s screen notes indicate that there should be “melancholy fiddle music” in the background and that Jeff Goldblum should narrate: “Dear Ma, Our fight has continued as we draw nearer the Briggs-DeMink Line. This terrible War of Southern Aggression seems to continue without end…” Another responder weighs in with this gem: “There was a break for a while after the North took out the top of (a building,) and the South retaliated by destroying the small building directly across the street. Rumor has it that the South was planning a retaliation to the North’s retaliation. (The East) tried to get involved, but their bomb only made it to the median …”
My first brother-in-law once observed about human behavior, “when people are getting their groove on, there is always going to be someone who has to knock the groove.” He then coined the term, “Groove Knocker,” and as the commentary about the North/South neighborhood split grew more riotous, raucous, and hilarious, a Groove Knocker weighed in, citing the presence of “more important things,” and requested that we all “focus elsewhere.” There were some thoughtful responses to that poster, but some others were rightly confused: We were just having fun; is there no joy possible if there is pain somewhere in the world?
Two of my favorite responses to the original post were from long-time residents of the area central to the post. One of them noted that the neighborhood was famous for, among other things, the proximity of a Tesla automobile to a duct-taped hooptie. The other writer wanted to know “What are we judging… property values or who will cut you in a fight?” (I want that writer on my team, starting first string.) The Groove Knocker failed to redirect the warring neighborhoods to more humanitarian interests as salvo after salvo was launched and responded to, each funny one contributing to the ongoing amusement.
The Eastside neighborhood is bisected by a road created in 1811 and is still designated as “The Historic National Road.” Most people today call it Washington Street, though a recent immigrant referred to it as “US 40,” one of its many names as it crosses the country. The irony is not lost on me that, a road designed to make it easier for travelers to go from East to West long before the states began to war against each other, is now the line of demarcation for a local, largely imaginary, and wholly entertaining, uncivil war.
cjon3acd@att.net