Here’s a little story about a couple in their late eighties. One night she fell down in the bathroom and couldn’t get up. “Help, help!” she yelled. No response. “George, I’ve fallen and can’t get up.” No response. George often refused to wear his hearing aids. Finally she hit the life alert button that she was wearing. The telephone in the living room rang. “Mr. Green, what’s the problem?” “Why nothing. Everything’s fine here.”
Being married day after day, year after year, requires patience to put up with one’s partner’s idiosyncrasies and habits that can become a veritable Chinese water torture. These questions illustrate my point:
Can a stacker and a stuffer achieve marital harmony? Bill is a stacker; I’m a stuffer. He piles things up on horizontal surfaces. I jam them in drawers.
Can a marriage with a shared toothpaste tube be totally contented? No! A couple who share a tube of toothpaste will not long be at peace. Bill squeezes “correctly” and neatly from the end and gets every bit of paste from the tube; whereas my tube’s a crinkled mess.
What about sharing a closet? Double trouble!
Who controls the TV tuner? Who surfs the channels? “And the forecast is . . . “ CLICK “John! Marsha . . .!” CLICK “And he’s out at third . . . “ CLICK “And I say to you sinners . . . “ CLICK Back to the beginning: “. . . falling barometer.” Bill saw a newspaper quip: “Men don’t watch what’s on television; they watch what else is on!
Who refuses to ask for directions? The “Sally Forth” cartoon showed the couple driving around while lost. Finally, when they were stopped at a light, their daughter stuck her head out the window and yelled at a passerby, “Help! Help! We’re lost, and my dad won’t ask for directions!”
Who waits until the tank is nearly empty before buying gas? Not I. On the other hand, I’m bad about checking the oil.
Who puts ice cube trays with one cube left in them back in the freezer? I don’t!
Can a night owl and an early bird co-exist? I greet the dawn with pleasure. Bill sees it only when forced to. On the other hand, I go to bed while he watches old movies. Perhaps our differing sleep schedule is the secret of our marriage’s longevity.
Does having a joint checking account enhance a marriage? This is a no-brainer since neither of us is good at accounting. If we’d had a joint account, we’d have ended up in divorce court years ago!
Who snatches light bulbs? “Rose Mary! There’s no light bulb in the living room lamp.” “I know, dear. I needed it in the family room.” “You are going to drive me crazy!”
There’s a continuing problem with jars and bottles: “Sigh . . . Bill, will you please unscrew this lid that you got too tight. ” “Rose Mary! Look at this mess because the lid fell off of this jar.”
Can Mr. Perfectionist and Mrs. Slapdash reach accord? He carefully refolds the paper in its original order. He neatly winds the vacuum cleaner cord. I loop it onto the holder any old way. “Why should I waste precious seconds of my life, winding the vacuum cleaner cord just so?” “Because it’s the right way.”
Bill’s patience was sorely tried last week. Running late for an appointment, I hurriedly screwed the cap on the bottle of orange juice which then fell on the floor. Of course the cap came off. I quickly mopped up the juice. That evening Bill was cooking dinner in his stocking feet. “What in the world is on the floor? My socks are stuck to it.” wclarke@comcast.net