This is a reprint of an article originally published in 2011
Grandpa had gotten into the habit of calling different family members on a regular basis to inquire as to what day of the week it was. Never satisfied with the answer from the first person, he would ask to speak to someone else in the house and verify the information he had gotten from the first person. Concerns of dementia or worse began to plague the family until it dawned on us that he really had no point of reference.
Many of our parents, especially those who live alone, start to isolate themselves. With few appointments, no regular activities and irregular sleeping habits they often lose track of the days. Who wouldn’t? Before we accepted the worse case scenario, we decided to try to give him some ways of distinguishing one day from another. First we bought him a wall clock that displayed the time with large numbers and also the day of the week and the date. A daily newspaper delivered to his door not only provided entertainment but verified that Tuesday was actually Tuesday. My husband and I visited each weekend, whenever it fit in our schedule. We changed that to a visit every Sunday at 1:00. This gave a point of reference to start off the week on Monday, the day after our visit. On Saturday, after his great grandson’s soccer game we would call him to tell him the results, mentioning that the games were every Saturday and encouraging him to join us. Within a few weeks he had reestablished his sense of time.
As a kid in the 50’s I remember my Mom saying, “there are just not enough hours in a day.” Years later, as a mom myself, with children to raise, a home and yard to keep, meals to cook and an endless schedule of music lessons, gymnastics, ball games and swim meets, I fully understood her words. Now fast forward 50 years. The children are raised, you are retired, your family lives miles away and friend are too ill to visit as they once did. Again my mother’s words resound in my mind, “thank you for coming to visit,” she would say as I got up to leave, “it make the endless days seem shorter.”
Boredom can often be a precursor to depression. Help your aging parents stay active. I remember my Great Aunt Carrie working well into her 80’s as a “Grey Lady” at our local hospital. She enjoyed the patients there and they enjoyed her. She not only felt useful, she was useful. There is a wonderful Web site, www.seniorcitizensguide.com, that contains links to cultural arts, senior exercise programs, volunteer opportunities, library activities, and travel groups geared totally toward the 70 and over crowd. Your local churches are also a great resource for senior activities.
We all want our parents to live independently as long as it is safe for them to do so. Installing grab bars for the shower and bath tub, making sure the closets and cabinets are easy to open, regulating the water heater to eliminate scalding temperatures, reorganization of the kitchen cabinets and a place to sit down while preparing food are all simple things that can extend the years of independent living. Amplified telephones with larger numbers make it easier to call friends and family and a “medic-alert” system gives everyone peace of mind.
Try organizing the family for a “work day” at Mom and Dad’s. This is a great way to lessen the burden of your aging parents. The key here is to avoid making your parents feel “useless.” Make it a pitch-in lunch, call your siblings and your kids and grandkids and make it fun day. Those heavy jobs like, trimming the shrubs, washing windows, cleaning the garage, and switching out the seasonal clothing from storage, may seem like huge tasks to your parents, but will only take a few hours when tackled by the family. Do not intrude on their way of doing things, seek their input and have them supervise.
Through love, empathy and creativity, we not only can secure a happy productive life for our aging parents, but we set an example for our own children to follow. Because fight it as we may………….it’s our turn next. Until next time…..Linda